Nikola Tesla: Professional Badass
Meet Nikola Tesla, one of the most genius people ever to live. Without Mr. Tesla, you wouldn’t be listening to your favorite radio station (yes, it was Tesla who invented the radio, not Marconi. When Tesla found out what Marconi was doing, he said “Let him continue; he’s using 17 of my patents”). This badass invented a whole bunch of awesome shit, harnessed the power of Niagara Falls, and was pretty much Master of Lightning, then went completely and totally insane.
He was born in Serbia on July 10, 1856, and kicked ass for 86 years until he died in 1943. He spoke eight different languages, did complicated calculus and physics equations in his head, and memorized whole books. His memory was photographic and he had such an incredible brain that he stored the plans for his inventions in his head. That’s right - totally visualized, sans paper and pen.
Tesla was also a “mad scientist,” given that he was completely insane. The inventor hated anything that wasn’t divisible by three and often had nervous breakdowns. He disliked jewelry, talked to pigeons (especially in his later years, when his best friend was a pigeon who often landed on his windowsill), and thought aliens were sending him signals. Let’s face it, though, if aliens were sending signals to humans, they’d have sent them to Tesla.
Early in his career, Tesla worked with Edison. Eventually, the two men grew to hate each other, and were involved in a sort of war over electricity. Edison preached Direct Current, while Tesla talked of the safer, more reliable Alternating Current. Edison, who had previously cheated Tesla, was an absolute asshole and went on a campaign denouncing the other inventor’s brilliance. He tried to turn the public against Tesla and AC, but eventually lost that battle. The two remained bitter enemies.
The invention of the Tesla Coil was what made Nikola lightning’s master. With it, he set the record for man-made lightning with a bolt of 130 feet. Another crazy-awesome invention of his was the Atomic Death Ray (which he didn’t build, but still). Tesla’s neighbors often complained about the loud noises coming from his workshop, and once, while he was experimenting with magnetic resonance, he caused an earthquake. The quake was so powerful it almost destroyed Fifth Avenue. He had to sledge-hammer his machine to death to stop it.
Oh, and to top it all off: The Wardenclyffe Tower, a humongous Tesla coil shaped like an erect penis. The tower has been listed as a possible cause for the 1908 Tunguska Event, which I highly suggest you look up.
Tesla was so advanced, modern science still can’t replicate some of his experiments. He was a genius (albeit an insane one), and without him, we would be without a lot of the technology that’s standard now.
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